Hopefully this helps someone out there

Before even typing this out I want to apologize because I'm about to expose my crazy thinking. Some of my friends have told their friends about my experiences and some have visited my blog. I don't know if I have helped anyone, but I want to share something that I have recently worked through and hopefully it may help other women out there.

When a woman finally gets separated or hopefully divorced from an abusive spouse it can be really exciting. Slowly, she starts to gain confidence and a feeling of control. She has an amazing freedom because she no longer needs to do all that she can to please someone who will not be happy or pleased. Her energy can support her self and her children. It really is an amazing feeling. Many abused women try unsuccessfully to separate from partners several times before they actually go through with it. People who have never experienced spousal abuse don't understand the reasons that the women let the men back into their lives.

Anyway, if you know someone who needs to get out--you cannot force them out or you become an additional controller in their already controlled life. You can be there, listen and talk. Make observations and share ideas of how you want to help. If you try to force a decision--you run the risk of this woman isolating herself from you and others who may be lifesavers.

Because of the joys that have come from NOT being in an abusive relationship any longer--I have had crazy plans that I will NEVER have to be in a relationship again. For some reason, in my damaged thinking, I have considered ALL "relationships" to be horrible and destructive. Crazy thinking, right?
I have blogged a little bit about preparing to date again. In reality, I haven't wanted to "prepare to date" because I haven't had a desire to ever remarry. Yes, I realize that there are cultures in the world that date, have fun and never marry. I don't belong to one of those cultures. In the LDS culture, we date to find a marriage partner.
I didn't want to accept dates because I felt it would be dishonest to waste someone's time when I had decided that I would not marry again.

Well, I am happy to report that I am really starting to believe that there are men out there who bring happiness to their wives. I know that my married friends have been telling me this, but I really needed to gain my own faith it in. I absolutely love The Book of Mormon (ancient record of the indigenous people on the North and South American continent). Lately, I have been scuba diving through Ether and feeling the weight of the doctrine begin to change my attitude. This attitude change gives me some faith in this area of trusting men and believing that a normal, healthy relationship is possible. Ether 12 is the chapter where Moroni recounts all the wonders and marvels done by faith and why we are given weaknesses. Through this study, prayer and jounaling of my sometimes, CRAZY Thinking, I am beginning to believe that someday I can be part of a loving relationship. This thinking feels great and healthier that my previous thinking.

So, if this helps you understand the crazy process that your friends may be going through, then I am thrilled. If this only gave you a little glimpse into my crazy thoughts, then, well, I guess I am thrilled for the opportunity to entertain you. Have a great one!!

Happy Kindergartener

Here we go.


Today was Emerson's first day of full day kindergarten. She loved it!! I was able to eat lunch with her because my 3rd graders head out to recess the same time that her class goes to lunch. Right as I sat down, I asked "How do you like your new school so far?" She lit up, replying, "Mom! This is the best school ever. They feed you all day long! I was so hungry at my last school." REALLY?!?

She had been going to preschool in Malaysia for 4 and a half hours a day. They brought a snack from home everyday. In our neighborhood school, she only had half day kindergarten for 2 and a half hours. No, they didn't feed her there, but she was not sent to school hungry. So funny!

My school is a Title I school (which I love). Every child gets free breakfast daily and then snack 2 days a week. Lunch is available to purchase like at every school.

She made some good friends today and her teacher is the expert type. She has been teaching for 25 years and still is bounding with energy and saying things like "Hey Beautiful! You worked so hard today! I loved it!"

I'm relieved that she loves school lunch and has an awesome teacher.

Mostly, I'm thrilled that she's in the same building with me again.

Broke my own dating rules

It was a good date really.

Last year I thought that I would be ready to date by January 2011. Well, last month came and I said I still wasn't ready. Last week a man asked me out and I said no again. I would like to get to know him better, but I still wasn't ready. Today after taking my girls swimming, my little brother "asked me out" for a trial date. I think he has only asked a girl out once before and he has only been on one date since his dating years began 6 years ago. I told him for sure that I would go with him.

Shantelle's Dating Rules:

1. Home before midnight

2. Drive separately

3. Stay in public places

4. Keep my home off limits

5. No kids involved

6. No movie dates

Rules 5 and 6 were broken tonight.

My little brother doesn't know my dating rules though and I should have made it clear, but I thought, since he's my brother and I had no babysitter then I could bend the rules. I knew my girls would not be confused or worried because they know and love their uncle already.

We took my kids to the 9:25 pm show. One fell asleep on the way there, so I carried her into the theater. The other one fell asleep on my lap within the first ten minutes and, unfortunately, she's the one who occasionally wets the bed. Yep, my lap ended up being urine soaked halfway through the show. Lesson learned--No kids on dates. Even the fake dates.

The movie was really good though. We watched "Morning Glory". We also ran into Mary and Vicky from the ward (neighborhood congregation) where we grew up. It was great to reconnect with them. Those are 2 of my 15 favorite women in the world. Those friends and I and Shane and I only had maybe 10 minutes of real conversation. So, in getting to know someone that I need to be able to trust, I don't want to waste time in a dark theater.

I didn't get nervous at all on this "date" and I'm thrilled that I did it. I think I'm ready for dating (or almost ready). I tend to be over optimistic about my progress.

At least I know that I'll stick to those rules until I feel safe. However, when rule #5 is ready to be crossed off, I'm going to pack some pull-ups.

What do Childbirth, Childrearing and New Floors have in Common?

Well, as I type this, it's Friday evening and the girls and I are confined to my bedroom. The flooring men are finishing up right in the hallway. The doors are open because they are connecting the carpet and laminate at the thresholds of the bathroom/master/girls room and closets. I was trying to entertain the girls, but finally I found a box of unused nursing pads in my dresser. Currently, the girls are unwrapping each one, peeling off the back and sticking them all over the walls. Each pad takes a couple of minutes to unwrap and peel, so I figure I have about 15 more minutes of computer time.

This week has been great.

I had the opportunity to meet with my students and their parents during conferences. I had 100% attendance. I love parent teacher conferences. This year was even more exciting for some reason. I sent the latest report cards home 2 weeks ago, so I didn't have to discuss that at all. The parents came prepared, knowing the areas of academic concern. I spent hours preparing individual take home packets designed for each child's needs. The parents seemed really willing and grateful for the guidance to support their child at home. The rest of the time in each conference was spent on discussion of character and social development. Our school uses the Covey "Leader In Me" program with the 7 Habits of Happy Kids. I love it!

This week has been a bit exhausting though.

Coming home from work later than usual, I faced an at-home job of prepping my floors for the laminate. I had a complete meltdown on Wednesday night. It was about midnight and I was trying to remove carpet from the stairs. I didn't have trouble removing it from the living room and dining room.

I was shocked at how the carpet installers must have been so determined that this carpet remain forever.

Removing carpet from these stairs was comparable to child birth. My gloved hands were pulling with all their might. I was using all of my body weight as leverage, but the thousands of staples popped out slowly and painfully one by one. Halfway through I began to weep. I was exhausted. I felt that I was completely justified in skipping my morning run. I almost quit. Then I laughed. I couldn't believe that I was letting this dirty old carpet get me down. With a determined restart, I yanked and yanked again and again. By 1 in the morning, I had the carpet and pad out and was prying up the tack strips. I was a hero in my own eyes, LOL. At 7:15 am, the real heros arrived to lay the gorgeous floor. When I returned from work nine hours later, I almost teared up at how beautiful it looked. Again, I felt the childbirth analogy take hold. Both the pain and misery of the night before were totally worth it. The floor is WOW and I never thought I would be a part of something so amazing.

Yes, the female hamsters who eat their newborns when the bones are still soft are pretty smart in some respects. I'd love to hear their reasoning. Is it the misery of pregnancy or the pain of labor that drives them to devour the helpless ones. Or do the hamsters see into the future? Child rearing is not easy. However, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is trying, exhausting and messy BUT it is BEAUTIFUL!!

I still need to paint and reattach the baseboards and paint the orange-y oak cabinets white just like I still need to get my kids through teenage years and help them pay for college. I love my kids. I really like my developing home. I love my kids (I just said that, huh?)

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of Dr Pepper. It’s Dr. Pepper that does all that. Never mind. I thought I was missing a man in my life . . .it's Dr Pepper that I miss. Water only for me.

Fitness Balls in my 3rd Grade Classroom

I am a couple of months ahead of schedule on this fitness ball idea. I had applied for a grant and still have not heard anything, so I was going to ask parents to buy one for their own child and then I would buy any that didn't have one. Well, on Friday morning, a parent showed up with ten balls and five others kids came with their own. We just need 4 more!!

Having taught for 8 years, I have always known that the fitness balls would immediately help children with ADHD. The ability to fidgit helps them to use up their energy and help them to focus on learning and practice instead of focusing on sitting still to please the teacher.

After attending a teacher workshop where I sat on a fitness ball, I was sold on the idea for ALL people. Sitting in a chair is uncomfortable and lazy--the sitter can become bored and feel tired. As I sat on the fitness ball, I realized that I was alert and tracking the speaker better that I normally would. I also felt energized. Further research tapped me into the results of the study done by the Mayo clinic about allowing children to move and encourage them to be fit and strong throughout the day.

The fitness balls made for a bouncy math lesson, but the students were more alert and focused--and QUIET when I was presenting direct instruction. During guided practice they were all involved--no slouching or disengagement. I noticed the students who seem to take a while to wake up and get involved in the morning, were surprisingly active and engaged in the learning. I guess sitting on a ball forces one to wake up and get with it--or you roll/fall off fast.

Chubby Sawyer

Baby Sawyer is getting so huge. In proper Grandma Shayla tradition, she has introduced rice cereal before the baby is even 4 months old. My girls, especially Emerson, delight in snuggling this little angel. Kamryn's thrilled to still be the baby at our house.