Academy for Pleasant Mornings

Emerson has generally been a good morning person. She started daily school when she was only three, so for the past 4 years she has woken up before 7 am and been out the door by 7:40. Mornings have generally been cheerful and easy.
This morning was a disappointment. Emerson was terribly grumpy. She became defiant and we were 20 minutes later than usual.
Normally, I would have nagged her and helped her hurry. I would have been tempted to rant about how her behavior is making mommy late for work and mommy needs her job. Luckily, I had a more effective technique. I left her in the house so I wouldn't have to hear her yelling about all of her ugly clothes. I waited in the van.
During our 1.5 mile commute, after she was calm, I told her that after school today we would have an Academy. "Oh, okay" She responded. She had had 2 academies in the past month. One where I trained her how to walk down the stairs without pushing people and one where I trained her how to feed the cat without spilling food everywhere. Those academies were easy compared to what we would face today.
When I choose to enroll a child in an academy I choose a time that is convenient for me and inconvenient for the child. Today that happened to be right after school before dinner when she usually is outside having a blast with friends.
The rules of an academy at our house are that I demonstrate the behavior that I want the child to do and then the child repeats it over and over again until she has 5 successes.
Emerson was excited when I demonstrated the ideal behavior of a pleasant morning. I put my pajamas on and crawled into her bed. Then I cheerfully woke up, changed into day clothes, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and put on my shoes. Finally, I reported to the kitchen.
I explained that she needed to do the same thing five times correctly. Correctly would mean that she would not yell or try to demand assistance. She would not complain about clothes and she would report to the kitchen within 15 minutes. I told her that I would take notes about her behavior while I cooked dinner.
If the photo turns out clear you'll see that she had a great start, finding the role play fun, but then got frustrated with changing clothes and the repetition. Crying for 10 minutes between the first and second attempts wore her out. I confess freely to self-medicating my stress with a cookie from the plate I was taking to a neighbor (sorry Shauna). I feel the academy was a success (because it drained both of us but empowered me). I can say confidently that it was successful even before tomorrow comes because I guarantee she will never want to attend a "Pleasant Morning Academy" again.

Self-Esteem and God-Esteem

As a teenager, I spoke in church about the difference between the world's understanding of self-esteem and spiritual self-confidence. Well, even though I truly believed that I knew everything about life by the time I was a teenager, I have had some life experiences teach me a lot more than I knew then. ;-)
I believe there is something more important than self-esteem and I'll call it God-esteem. This comes when a person realizes and accepts the fact that God loves him/her just because. The person didn't do anything to win God's approval, but His Love is illustrated in the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ. We are motivated to love and serve Him because He loves us so very much.
Having God-Esteem is a priceless gift in your relationships with others.
I've been reading about Bernard of Clairvaux who taught about levels of love. He was a French monk who lived almost one thousand years ago.
First Level: to love myself solely-- not interested in others.
Second Level (not much better than level one): to love you for my sake
This love is selfish as we use someone for gain, comfort or convenience.
HERE'S A BIG JUMP TO THE THIRD LEVEL
Third Level: to love you for your sake
This form if love respects the other person. This love wants good things for the other and looks out for another's interest. This love sounds great! Here we would see mutual respect and service to the needs of others. Most families would be thrilled to have everyone possessing this third level of love.
However we learn from the French monk that there is a higher level of love.
Fourth Level: to love myself for your sake
This is a self-respecting love that stems from God-esteem. When you recognize your worth in God's eyes and are filled with this love then you can give the best of yourself to those around you. You can deal with struggles, stress in the relationship and even disagreements because you don't fear personal rejection. Your identity as a Spiritual Child of God is secure. You are not dependent on your family for your sense of worth, but dependent on God.
Jesus taught that we are to love God and then to love our neighbor as ourselves. Monk Bernard's last level of love sounds like Christ's second great commandment. It is through the first great commandment that makes following the second commandment possible. We need God-Esteem.
This acceptance of high worth in God is a blessing to a family. When my worth and identity comes from God, then I don't have to get that from you. I think it's fantastic to be affirmed in a relationship, especially by family members, but having God-Esteem means that we are not devastated when relationships in marriage or children or step children or siblings don't affirm us or define our worth. I really can stand confidently in the face of your rejection or distancing because none of it will take away my worth.