Looking into the Soul

A few months ago I made a goal to look deeply into my daughters' eyes at least once everyday.

I noticed that by taking the time to look into their eyes while they were speaking to me or cuddling with me made those moments more intimate and meaningful. I found myself calling them to come to me instead of always having them instigate connections as I was busy with laundry, cooking or dishes.
Looking into their eyes allows me to be present, to truly listen and let them know that they are being heard. More importantly than this, I feel a spiritual bond being strengthened when I look into the windows of their souls. It makes daily interactions more loving.

Yesterday, the phone rang in my classroom as I was entering scores for report cards. The enthusiastic music teacher invited me to come to her room to hear my students perform. I gladly accepted the invitation. She does amazing work with these kids. I entered her room to see my students sitting crossed-legged holding drumsticks (not the kind that you eat). She led them in a 3 minute percussion performance. They were incredibly focused and in sync with each other. The performance was long enough that I was able to take a turn to look each student in the eyes. When they performed it a second time, I did the "hold a glance" experiment again and felt a huge wave of love come over me as I felt connected to each one of these beautiful children.

As a teacher I am constantly hearing myself say, "Eyes up here", "Look this way", "Watch me model this" and other demands for their eyes. Yesterday, it was beautiful to look into their eyes without teaching them or talking at them. I was able to look at them and think about how much I love them. Taking a turn to lock eyes with each as they proudly beat their drum was the most amazing experience that I've had all week.

It was such a simple thing to do and it brought immense joy. I wanted to try this experiment on a stranger, so at the grocery store last night, instead of busying myself, I looked right into the eyes of the cashier and found her looking right back at me. I made this brief connection with her -- through our eyes -- and the moment was powerful (for me at least). I recognized her as a caring, hard-working individual with a complicated life. I can't really describe the feelings that I felt, but it seemed that time stood still for a moment or two and I felt my heart grow.

This morning, in the bathroom mirror, I looked deeply into my own eyes and felt a little more love for myself even. What Joy!

It may feel a bit strange or silly to stare deeply into your own eyes, but I encourage all of you to try it. If you cannot do it, it may be a good idea to find out why it is difficult for you.

I look forward to more moments like these. I pray that I will remember to slow down and notice people. That I will look into their eyes and get a glimpse of their souls.

Back with my Work Family

Now there's a happy worker!! I have always felt really lucky to be a teacher. It's challenging at times, but probably the most rewarding career I could have chosen. I love working with kids and witnessing their growth and progress. I love my grade level team and my school!!
Today was our first big faculty meeting. This school is huge; I'm pretty sure we still have over 1,000 elementary kids. There are over 40 teachers and half of them I consider as near as family. It felt so good to be "home" again. I've been away for 3 years and haven't been able to stop smiling as I walk these halls and talk with these teachers and parents again.
I haven't worked with this principal before, but so far I am amazed and impressed with how she manages, motivates and leads. There was a table set for each grade level with a quote on a pendant. Our district has been in existence for 100 years, so our school theme is "a new century of champions" and you can see the sports theme throughout the decorations. Wrapped neatly for each teacher is a baseball shirt with our school's name on the front and our own last name across the back. We also have our grade number "03" for third grade on the shirt. These shirts will be worn every Friday by all the teachers for spirit day. (I LOVE the idea of a uniform for teachers, LOL, because I'm not a shopper or a clothes horse)

We also received the book "Teach Like a Champion" I studied this last year and LOVE it!! You can also see peanuts and cracker jacks in the middle of the table.

What do Childbirth, Childrearing and New Floors have in Common?

Well, as I type this, it's Friday evening and the girls and I are confined to my bedroom. The flooring men are finishing up right in the hallway. The doors are open because they are connecting the carpet and laminate at the thresholds of the bathroom/master/girls room and closets. I was trying to entertain the girls, but finally I found a box of unused nursing pads in my dresser. Currently, the girls are unwrapping each one, peeling off the back and sticking them all over the walls. Each pad takes a couple of minutes to unwrap and peel, so I figure I have about 15 more minutes of computer time.

This week has been great.

I had the opportunity to meet with my students and their parents during conferences. I had 100% attendance. I love parent teacher conferences. This year was even more exciting for some reason. I sent the latest report cards home 2 weeks ago, so I didn't have to discuss that at all. The parents came prepared, knowing the areas of academic concern. I spent hours preparing individual take home packets designed for each child's needs. The parents seemed really willing and grateful for the guidance to support their child at home. The rest of the time in each conference was spent on discussion of character and social development. Our school uses the Covey "Leader In Me" program with the 7 Habits of Happy Kids. I love it!

This week has been a bit exhausting though.

Coming home from work later than usual, I faced an at-home job of prepping my floors for the laminate. I had a complete meltdown on Wednesday night. It was about midnight and I was trying to remove carpet from the stairs. I didn't have trouble removing it from the living room and dining room.

I was shocked at how the carpet installers must have been so determined that this carpet remain forever.

Removing carpet from these stairs was comparable to child birth. My gloved hands were pulling with all their might. I was using all of my body weight as leverage, but the thousands of staples popped out slowly and painfully one by one. Halfway through I began to weep. I was exhausted. I felt that I was completely justified in skipping my morning run. I almost quit. Then I laughed. I couldn't believe that I was letting this dirty old carpet get me down. With a determined restart, I yanked and yanked again and again. By 1 in the morning, I had the carpet and pad out and was prying up the tack strips. I was a hero in my own eyes, LOL. At 7:15 am, the real heros arrived to lay the gorgeous floor. When I returned from work nine hours later, I almost teared up at how beautiful it looked. Again, I felt the childbirth analogy take hold. Both the pain and misery of the night before were totally worth it. The floor is WOW and I never thought I would be a part of something so amazing.

Yes, the female hamsters who eat their newborns when the bones are still soft are pretty smart in some respects. I'd love to hear their reasoning. Is it the misery of pregnancy or the pain of labor that drives them to devour the helpless ones. Or do the hamsters see into the future? Child rearing is not easy. However, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is trying, exhausting and messy BUT it is BEAUTIFUL!!

I still need to paint and reattach the baseboards and paint the orange-y oak cabinets white just like I still need to get my kids through teenage years and help them pay for college. I love my kids. I really like my developing home. I love my kids (I just said that, huh?)

Fitness Balls in my 3rd Grade Classroom

I am a couple of months ahead of schedule on this fitness ball idea. I had applied for a grant and still have not heard anything, so I was going to ask parents to buy one for their own child and then I would buy any that didn't have one. Well, on Friday morning, a parent showed up with ten balls and five others kids came with their own. We just need 4 more!!

Having taught for 8 years, I have always known that the fitness balls would immediately help children with ADHD. The ability to fidgit helps them to use up their energy and help them to focus on learning and practice instead of focusing on sitting still to please the teacher.

After attending a teacher workshop where I sat on a fitness ball, I was sold on the idea for ALL people. Sitting in a chair is uncomfortable and lazy--the sitter can become bored and feel tired. As I sat on the fitness ball, I realized that I was alert and tracking the speaker better that I normally would. I also felt energized. Further research tapped me into the results of the study done by the Mayo clinic about allowing children to move and encourage them to be fit and strong throughout the day.

The fitness balls made for a bouncy math lesson, but the students were more alert and focused--and QUIET when I was presenting direct instruction. During guided practice they were all involved--no slouching or disengagement. I noticed the students who seem to take a while to wake up and get involved in the morning, were surprisingly active and engaged in the learning. I guess sitting on a ball forces one to wake up and get with it--or you roll/fall off fast.

Grateful for Storms

I had Thanksgiving at my house this year. There were going to be 10 of us, but I had my girls call their dad to wish him Happy Thanksgiving and he ended up inviting them to his grandma's house. So we only had 8 here at my place. It was the smallest Thanksgiving that I have ever celebrated. I had 2 iPads from my classroom to entertain my sister's 2 kids and it ended up being pretty quiet.

One event of the day that got me pondering happened before my girls left with their dad. Both girls were sitting up at the counter watching me cut up potatoes. We were talking and singing and I was distracted from my task enough to slice my left thumb. I didn't say anything, I just grabbed a half of a paper towel to wrap it and then continued with the potatoes. My girls asked me what happened and why I needed the paper towel. Their jaws dropped and eyes opened wide when they saw my thumb. By their expressions, you would have thought I had lost the entire thumb. It was small, but bleeding freely without the paper on it. Kamryn (3) was most concerned. I don't really remember what was said, but I do remember her eyes. She has amazing big brown eyes. This sweet daughter of mine just looked at me and those eyes filled with tears. She hurt to see me hurt. I stopped with the potatoes and I let her hug me and comfort me.

Later in the day I went with my brother, sister and brother-in-law to see the movie 127 hours. I sobbed like a baby.

Kamryn's tears that morning and the message of the movie that evening really hit me.

I need to allow people to know my feelings. As humans, we need to care and be involved, but we also need to allow people to care for us and be involved in our trials. The past year has been the most difficult of my life. At this point, I wouldn't give back those trials, but there were some pretty low times that I didn't allow others to comfort me. I thought that I had to be strong and alone. The Lord blessed me with some amazing experiences that I never would have imagined experiencing, but now I realize that I could have shared some of those blessing with others had I not been so selfish and drawn away from others.

I have been studying lately about Trusting in the Lord. I feel like the past year has really given me opportunities to test out my ability to trust. It has also given me the opportunity to remember that He is a Fourth Watch type of God. Remember before Christ walked on water during the storm, He had been watching his disciples from a hill. They were in their fishing boat during a terrible storm. He told them to go out on the boat following the feeding of the 5,000. He allowed the storm to beat upon them for hours. The 1st watch is 6 pm and each watch last 3 hours. Christ did not calm the storm until the fourth watch between 3 am and 6 am the next morning. Peter had to work on his trust issues before he could successfully walk on the water with the Savior. While only a few verses in the New Testament discuss this event, I want to know more of what the disciples were thinking and feeling during the storm. I recorded so many of my thoughts and feelings during my own storm this past year, but then my hard drive was destroyed and I lost my record. It may not be important for my girls to know of everything that I went through, but I know that because of my experiences, I have gained a perspective that may help me to become a more courageous disciple and a wiser mother than I would have been without these experiences.

I am so grateful for the small miracles that we experience. Even if these miracles happen during or after extremely difficult trials, they are for our learning and perspective.

Another reason that trials are so important in life is that because of them we can so appreciate the calm times in our lives. I have been sailing on relatively ripple free water for the past 2 months and it is incredibly amazing.