One event of the day that got me pondering happened before my girls left with their dad. Both girls were sitting up at the counter watching me cut up potatoes. We were talking and singing and I was distracted from my task enough to slice my left thumb. I didn't say anything, I just grabbed a half of a paper towel to wrap it and then continued with the potatoes. My girls asked me what happened and why I needed the paper towel. Their jaws dropped and eyes opened wide when they saw my thumb. By their expressions, you would have thought I had lost the entire thumb. It was small, but bleeding freely without the paper on it. Kamryn (3) was most concerned. I don't really remember what was said, but I do remember her eyes. She has amazing big brown eyes. This sweet daughter of mine just looked at me and those eyes filled with tears. She hurt to see me hurt. I stopped with the potatoes and I let her hug me and comfort me.
Later in the day I went with my brother, sister and brother-in-law to see the movie 127 hours. I sobbed like a baby.
Kamryn's tears that morning and the message of the movie that evening really hit me.
I need to allow people to know my feelings. As humans, we need to care and be involved, but we also need to allow people to care for us and be involved in our trials. The past year has been the most difficult of my life. At this point, I wouldn't give back those trials, but there were some pretty low times that I didn't allow others to comfort me. I thought that I had to be strong and alone. The Lord blessed me with some amazing experiences that I never would have imagined experiencing, but now I realize that I could have shared some of those blessing with others had I not been so selfish and drawn away from others.
I have been studying lately about Trusting in the Lord. I feel like the past year has really given me opportunities to test out my ability to trust. It has also given me the opportunity to remember that He is a Fourth Watch type of God. Remember before Christ walked on water during the storm, He had been watching his disciples from a hill. They were in their fishing boat during a terrible storm. He told them to go out on the boat following the feeding of the 5,000. He allowed the storm to beat upon them for hours. The 1st watch is 6 pm and each watch last 3 hours. Christ did not calm the storm until the fourth watch between 3 am and 6 am the next morning. Peter had to work on his trust issues before he could successfully walk on the water with the Savior. While only a few verses in the New Testament discuss this event, I want to know more of what the disciples were thinking and feeling during the storm. I recorded so many of my thoughts and feelings during my own storm this past year, but then my hard drive was destroyed and I lost my record. It may not be important for my girls to know of everything that I went through, but I know that because of my experiences, I have gained a perspective that may help me to become a more courageous disciple and a wiser mother than I would have been without these experiences.
I am so grateful for the small miracles that we experience. Even if these miracles happen during or after extremely difficult trials, they are for our learning and perspective.
Another reason that trials are so important in life is that because of them we can so appreciate the calm times in our lives. I have been sailing on relatively ripple free water for the past 2 months and it is incredibly amazing.