Chicks in the White House?

Today my girls and I hung out with my parents. My ex husband declined time with the girls, so I was thrilled to have an outing with my parents to distract the girls. My parents are pretty important people to my girls. Very young kids draw important people in pictures. Kamryn always includes herself, Emerson and me in her pictures and frequently adds Grandma and Grandpa. Occasionally dad is added to the picture. Emerson only drew pictures of me during a whole year of her life, the therapist and I were THRILLED when she started drawing pictures of herself. She now includes Kamryn and Grandma. It has been really exciting to observe and guide her progress and her healing. Emerson was really excited that we were going to "hang out" with grandma.

It was great for me too.

My dad LOVES saving money (or not spending ANY money).

My mom LOVES projects and has BIG ideas sometimes confusing those around her (specifically raising chickens).

My dad climbed into the back of my van today with a torn out advertisement for Tepenyaki. He told me that the lunch was only $6, so we headed to Salt Lake. I had been fasting (blood test this morning as part of my FREE ObamaCare preventative doctor's visit), so I was looking forward to eating and I thought my kids would enjoy the experience of the chef cooking right in front of them. We arrived to find that Tepenyaki is not opened for lunch on Saturdays. We were a little bumbed, but still hungry, so dad chose a Chinese place in Centerville- "the one that you don't have to leave a tip" (What?)

Before returning north, my mom asked if we could drive past her childhood home on 8th West. We parked in front of the house and she told a bunch of memories. We all loved hearing about her childhood. Before getting on the freeway, I took my parents to Vosen's German Bakery on 2nd South between 2nd and 3rd West. They had never been there and I'm slightly obsessed with going there anytime that I'm downtown or downtown-ish. The prices aren't great, but they always throw in extras. Today I ordered 3 berliners and 3 brochen and they gave me 3 berliners, 7 brochen and 1 sweet pretzel--all for under $5. My dad ordered $9 worth of stuff (which shocked me), but he walked out of there with lots of free stuff, so he was happy.

My girls and mom were in heaven with the baked goods, and my dad couldn't resist as I drove--they were all kinda full when we arrived at "the place where you don't have to leave a tip". We must have stayed at that little Chinese place for nearly 2 hours. The girls were so content and I thoroughly enjoyed conversing with my parents without having to compete with their TV.

I confessed that when I experimented in the kitchen as a kid, I would occasionally mess up and have to bury the evidence in the backyard. I didn't want my mom to know that I wasn't following a recipe and I knew what kind of trouble I would be in if my dad saw wasted ingredients in the garbage can. My mom laughed so hard, because, she had done the same thing in her back yard AND her own mother confessed to burying bad cooking attempts behind the house also. I don't know how common the burial ritual is, but apparently it runs in the family.

I did have to interrupt my mom once though. She started saying something so offensive to my ears and my heart that I thought I certainly must be misunderstanding her. She said, "I don't think that a woman should ever be president. They are too emotional and hormonal" I thought surely these words cannot be coming out of a woman's mouth--even my own mother's mouth. When I realized that she truly believed the crazy stuff she was saying, I lost it. I told her I was so disappointed that she felt that way and I didn't want her to ever say things like that in front of my girls again. My stomach literally felt sick and I was no longer hungry. I told my mom that I never knew that she felt that way and wondered how she could raise us without us knowing all her beliefs. She said, "well, I guess I felt like you needed to make up your own political decisions". THANK GOODNESS!! I think if Sharla had been with us, my mom would have really gotten a tongue lashing. I changed the subject.

My dad started talking about a Great Dane that he met at the mechanic shop. He has always wanted one. My mom said, "no, it would eat my chickens".

He told my mom that she was not to get anymore chickens. (Last Spring, she had nearly 30 chicks in their dining room while she built a coop) Before Christmas, she had some people from Idaho deliver 3 red hens to a meeting spot off the Centerville exit. Addicted you ask? Maybe . . . I do have to confess that I may or may not have been the cause of her initial interest in chickens. When I was 8 years old, I asked the Easter Bunny to bring me a red hen instead of candy in a basket. The crazy fictitious character left me 12 fluffy yellow chicks which grew into 12 ugly white hens. My siblings and I all had the privilege of raising them. (Shelly was pooped on once. Right as she was heading out the door for jr high, she realized that it was her turn to break the layer of ice that formed on the top of their watering can. Once inside the coop, her feathered eighty's hair became an unlucky target)

So as my dad was telling her no more chickens, she smiled like she runs the roost. His blue eyes bulged and he said, "I swear I will step on any new chicks that come on my property!" My girls weren't paying any attention, but my mom said, "Tom, don't talk like that in front of the girls!!" I laughed right out loud.

Spring Break Part 1 in Pictures

Bunny Friday afternoon-- We bought 3 bunnies from the farmer store. With my amateur vet skills I decided we had 3 females--one runt, all sisters. The next day the farmer store gave me the pedigree charts. The "runt" is a dwarf 2 year old female. The other 2 are 6 week old brother and sister.

The girls were so attentive during General Conference. I told them that any time the prophet spoke or an apostle spoke, they would need to sit quietly and listen. The bunnies helped with the reverence.

ADOPTION DAY--So Exciting!!

Shantelle and Sawyer
Sharla, Sawyer and Judge Dawson (bailiff and lawyer also)
Mom, Dad, Sharla, Sawyer, Shelly, Kamryn, Shantelle, Princess Emerson (don't know why she had that crown on), Connor and Emma
New Mom and Cute Daughter
Emerson and Kamryn at Spring Dress Rehearsal (singing class)

Such a Liar

We don't start out on this parenthood journey thinking that it will be easy. There are surprises though. We expect occasional sleepy tantrums, spilled cups and wet beds. The biggest shock came last summer when she looked up at me with her beautiful eyes and innocent expression and told a BIG FAT LIE. I couldn't believe it. I didn't handle it well. I told her that I knew she was lying and I never wanted her to lie again. Her eyes grew wide with amazement as she asked, "How did you know that was a lie?" In my "brilliance" I told her this STUPID LIE:

All moms know when kids lie because a new dot appears on the child's forehead. She ran to the bathroom mirror to look for the new dot. "Only moms can see the dots" I clarified.

The next couple of times that she tried to cover up a wrongdoing, I would ask if she was telling the truth, and she would place a hand over her forehead while stating, "Of course I am telling the truth".

I really thought I was pretty clever--her hand goes over her forehead and I know she's lying--then I pretend that I see a new dot.

RIDICULOUS PARENTING--especially if she learns that I was trying to "teach" honesty with a big ole lie myself "dots on forehead", whatever.

Kids want to please us. The first lies are told in an attempt to keep the adult happy. I thought I had fixed my parenting mistake here with several Family Home Evening Lessons on trust and honesty, but today the dot theory resurfaced and I felt horrible.

After our church, we went to my cousin's church for her son's mission farewell talk. That kid is one popular guy--there were more people in that building than I have ever seen. We arrived a few minutes late and sat in the overflow (the foyer with tons of folding chairs set up).

There were lots of teenagers around--one girl had a lot of acne marks on her forehead--yes, you see where this is going.
Emerson leaned over to Kamryn and in a not-so-quiet whisper "See that lady? She's such a liar!"

Patching Holes in roofs and in people

This morning after our dentist appointments, (Layton Hills Dental is awesome!!--Aunt Jess works there and everyone took such great care of my kids while I was getting my teeth cleaned) we went to the Home Depot for some roof sealant/tar stuff. On the drive home I was feeling a little anxious about getting up on the roof to do the simple patch job. I guess I noticed the dark clouds rolling in and the trees swaying in the strengthening wind. I pictured myself falling off the roof and thought I probably should have another adult at the house before I climb the ladder. Usually, when a tiny bit of wisdom creeps in, I am able to replace it with a wacked out thought. I only had to get on the back part of the house where there is a deck, so if I fall, I won't fall far. This wacked out thinking came out in a car conversation with my daughters. "Girls, I have to climb the ladder and get on top of the house to fix the place that is broken. It is going to rain soon, so I need to get up there fast so the water won't drip into our house. I need your help." (What idiot asks for roofing help from little girls?)
"Okay Mommy!!" "Yeah, we can help!"
"Well, I will open the gates to the back yard and and the front door of the house. If I fall down off of the roof, then you need to run to Emily's house, Austin's house or Sabrina's house to get help, then the ambulance can come and fix me if I get hurt."
"Okay"
PROBLEM SOLVED. Ready to fix the roof.
And then, as we pulled in the garage, Kamryn said, "I can save you momma" and Emerson said, "Yes, mom, we know where the bandaids are, we don't need to run to anybody's house!"

Oh dear.

I did end up climbing to the top of the ladder and putting the tools up on the roof. As I was ready to place my first foot on the surface of the roof, I looked down into my little girls smiling faces, (those were my would be lifesavers) and finally convinced myself that they could not save me and I was an idiot to think that this was a situation wherein I was using any logic.

We have to patch holes with the proper Savior.

In building new relationships, we have to be certain that we are not looking for other people to patch any holes in our lives.

I've had some interesting experiences since I started dating a month ago. I've been out with a few men and I'm already ready for a long break from dating. I really felt like the men were trying to patch holes in their lives with a woman. I'll hold the ladder for you, but I will not patch your life. I may know where the bandaids are, but you need more help than I can provide.

I am really glad that I did go out--it was something I had to get over.
For a while I was seriously afraid of men. When a man asked for my phone number or for a date or a dance I saw him as a potential controller (or worse, an abuser or a rapist). I don't feel this way at all anymore. Even though I don't put my complete trust in individuals, I do not fear them. Further along in my healing, I recognized that there are good men out there who have honest intents.
However, because I am loving life as it is now, I don't want to "mess" with it by adding a relationship. When I meet a friend who is all patched up and has his house in order, then I may want to spend time with him.

I am pretty protective of my time anyway. I really felt like I wasted a bit of time with dates when I could have been enjoying tickle time and bedtime stories with my girls, exercising, or doing spiritual work (with scripture study, journaling, prayer and meditation). I crave all of those things. I do not yet crave companionship.
And besides, I'm kind of crushing on a couple of ancient prophets right now. I love Jacob and Moroni.

And who is my neighbor??

A certain woman was traveling from Ogden to Layton, but because of her disorganization was without a cell phone and had an empty gas tank on the freeway. Her mistakes left her half frustrated. And by chance there came carfuls of people just like her, coming from the same meeting she just left. Some of them didn't see her. Some slowed, looked at her and passed on their way speedily. Likewise, others, not of her faith, looked on her and passed by. She began running towards civilization to refuel, because walking would take hours. She did worry though about how long the return trip would take on foot because her dress boots were not like her expensive running shoes and after ten minutes of running, she was already getting blisters.
But a certain Samaritan (one not like her), as he journeyed, came where she was and when he saw her, he had compassion on her. He pulled over and offered her a ride in his own beast. When she responded with "I don't ride alone with men, but thank you so much for offering" His rough face was kind and he said, "I'll be back with another woman to ride with us" She didn't think he would return and she wondered if anyone else might save her from her mistakes. Ten minutes later he returned with a woman who appeared to have had as rough a life as he. They took her the rest of the way to the gas station, returned the grateful woman to her car to find that her car wouldn't start. With very dirty hands, this Samaritan opened the hood of her car, fiddled around while explaining the gas was too low and he had to help it inject itself, and got her car started. She handed him all the cash that she had (less than $20--she would have paid $40) for saving her in her own mistakes. He refused the money until she said, "I know that you didn't help me for money. I know that you don't want to accept it. Please take it though before I start crying. Do you want me to cry?" He smiled and took it. She drove away.

Which of these was neighbor unto she that fell frustrated with her disorganization?
He that shewed mercy (and patience with her driving with men rule). Go then and do likewise. I know I will try to be more observant and willing to go out of my way even if someone has brought misfortune upon themselves.

BEST SATURDAY EVER!!

Here's my baby (she'll be 4 tomorrow) with her birthday cake from last Sunday.


Okay so I woke at 6:45 am with a TO DO list.

There were a couple of ridiculous things on it:

Organize Bedroom Closets

Organize 3rd grade students for Scatter Groups in math interventions

The first is pretty self explanatory; the second one may require an explanation, but I would bore even myself if I have to explain it to you. I decided that if I posted something on Facebook like this: "Organized people are those who are just too lazy to look for things" and if I have a few FB friends back me on this opinion, then I could cross the crazy closet task off my Saturday. Thankfully, Shawna and Viola saved me from closets.

What are friends for if not to make our lives easier?

I deleted the post so as to not offend all my organized friends and I headed to the gym. (My girls slept at my in-laws house, so it was a kid free morning.)

The second task was work related and isn't really necessary for another week, so I crossed that off quickly. I go to my classroom to work nearly every Saturday (my daughters love to go), so today I rewarded myself with a 5 day work week instead of the typical 6 day. This work week was really difficult anyway and I really wanted to play.

After my 7:30 cycling class, I headed to Walmart to buy small prizes for my purse. I needed these prizes and treats because later in the day I would be going head to head against the DISNEY CORPORATION and I was terrified. I would be taking my girls to the Energy Solutions Arena to sit through Disney On Ice. I had been once before and learned that the cost of the ticket is a small fraction of what the DISNEY people expect to get out of you. They sell snow cones for $15, not a typo that is FIFTEEN dollars. The price of cotton candy you ask? Oh it's only $20-TWENTY!! It is so INSANE!!

I spent $12 at Walmart and scored 2 tiny stuffed animals you can attach to a finger (horse for Kam and bunny for Em), some Disney Princess fingernail polish (5 colors with the princess faces right on the bottles), 3 Disney lip glosses with crown shaped lids and princess faces on the bottles, and then some M&Ms for Kamryn and Reeses for Emerson.


At home I threw some goldfish crackers in a baggie and also managed to stuff 2 caprison drinks into my bulging purse.

I grabbed a couple of our princess dress up dresses and headed to my in Laws to pick up the girls for our adventure. I want to confess that I did not want to go to Disney on Ice. I would have given my exhusband my ticket, but I really didn't want him to drive that far with our girls. He has a terrible driving record and there are specific exclusions about how far he drives. Both of my parents declined the ticket, so I was the chosen one to see Disney characters on ice.

It turned out to be a "magical" experience for my girls. Kamryn had hearts in her eyes when her hero, Buzz Lightyear appeared. Emerson was in Princess heaven and I really believe that she thought each princess recognized her and was waving exclusively at her.

It turned out to be a "magical" experience for me because at the security checkpoint, we had a kind grandpa let us keep all of the treats and prizes when policy says he is supposed to confiscate stuff like that. So, I didn't spend a single penny inside the arena. My girls were literally THRILLED with all the junk in my purse. (oh and playdough--I had playdough in my purse and Kamryn was in heaven with it during intermission)

We picked up Berliners and Brochen from the German Bakery since we were in Salt Lake. We dropped a brochen off to my sister Sharla and saw her baby for a few minutes. I dropped the girls back off at my inlaws because they are staying there another night (it is Kamryn's birthday, so I gave them the girls for the whole weekend--we celebrated last weekend and a few hours today)

Before heading home, I stopped at the Home Depot to get the lumber I need for my garden boxes. I'm doing 6' X 3' box gardens this year. I took the rest of the Berliners to Shelly's house. When we were kids living in Germany, the bakery truck would come through our neighborhood every Wednesday. We would buy brochen (hard rolls, light as air and so so soft inside) and berliners (delicious fruit filled sweet bread with fine powdered sugar on top). I think if there was such a thing as Bread-aholics Anonymous, I would be their poster child. I limit myself to one bread day a month--today was the day! I had a berliner and a brochen and was grateful to be rid of the rest. (At the bakery I ordered 2 berliners and 4 brochen, but he gave me 9 berliners for the price of 2--I corrected him, but he said it was on purpose) Shelly's family looked happy to benefit from the kind, but not too business-minded baker.

At home, I rubbed linseed oil all over my new lumber and drilled the holes for the bracket and screws. I realized that the screws were WAY too long. I changed my mind on how I would fasten the side boards to the ends while in the store. I decided to use L brackets and I never returned to the screw aisle to get shorter ones before leaving. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but when I start a project I HAVE to finish it within a 3 hour range or else I put it off for another weekend. So, I'll keep you posted on how the box garden is going. If I haven't posted pictures within a couple months--please be a friend and scold me, because chances will be that I haven't picked up the right screws yet.

Next I started my seeds in my indoor greenhouse. I'll get pictures of this too. It's pretty cool with my shop lights attached to a pvc pipe frame to get seeds going. Today I sowed red peppers, cucumbers and 3 kinds of greens.

I got ready for the adult session of stake conference and then took myself out to dinner for some soup at Zupa's.

The adult session is the best meeting in all of church. There was not a dry eye in the room. I absolutely loved it!! The Lord knows who we are and He knows who we ought to be. As we Come Unto Christ, we find our true selves and we reach out to those around us. There is familiarity. We remember who we are and who we were before we came to this earth. I love being taught by the Spirit of God. Side Note: As the meeting began, the conductor announced that someone's tan van across the street had its lights on. EMBARRASSING!! That was me and I was on the front row. I left the meeting and checked my van. I was nervous to go outside in the dark (usually, I have the safety of my 3 and 5 yr olds to protect me). My lights were not on, so I returned to the meeting. At the close of the 2 hour meeting (which felt like 20 minutes), the man next to me, Brother Hamilton, walked me to my van to make sure the battery wasn't dead. I was so grateful to him for taking care of me. It's only been the last year of my life that I have ever had anxiety in walking alone in the dark. He thought he was checking on my car, but I recognized that he was keeping me safe from potential danger. I don't imagine that many men read my blog, but if you are reading it, please, please insist on escorting women in the dark. Even if we act like it is not necessary--it really gives more than safety and comfort, but also gives the woman a sense of value. She is worth the time it takes you to do this for her.

I'm really excited for tomorrow's stake conference. Elder Fisher is our area authority. He will speak again to us in the morning. I met him in November. He took time to speak with me back in after an institute class. I had made an observation in class about how much Peter had been through and why his faith was shaken as he attempted to walk toward the Savior on the water. I was not defending Peter, but rather I was pointing out that the Savior knew very well what Peter had been through and He never left Peter although Peter may have felt alone. Elder Fisher approached me after class and with concern, asked me what I had experienced. When he speaks with you, it feels like he can see right into your soul. He listened as I explained that the last year has been the most amazing year of my life. I was compelled to be humble and have become so strong because of it. My eyes were opened to my weaknesses. I received blessings and amazing gifts to help me overcome major issues. I am no longer a victim and will never allow myself to become a victim again.

Well, I better set the clock forward an hour and get to sleep. Good Night all!!

Ups and Downs on a Wednesday Night

I just got back from a roller coaster of a night. It started with a great road run in the hills by my parents house. I've been on a treadmill for so long that I forgot how awesome and difficult road runs can be. I didn't have music, which was okay. I had changed plans at the last minute and ditched my class at the gym for the run. The ups were really hard--I was sucking air and my legs were burning, but the downs were such a rewarding recovery.

After changing, I let my girls keep playing with grandma (she was so fun) and I left for my religion class. Peter Breinholt taught us tonight. The topic was putting off the natural man. I loved it! It was amazing how it fit into exactly what I have been studying about gaining more light and knowledge as we Come Unto Christ. We also discussed the differences between information, knowledge and wisdom. We can receive everything that Our Father offers us through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and receive it through the Holy Ghost as we put off the natural man and exercise faith, hope and charity. It was such a spiritual high that ended with Peter singing us a song that he had written for his son when his son was 4 years old. I really don't remember all of the great lyrics, but I remember how I felt as I sat in the chapel and soaked in the meaning and feeling of the song. What I gained from the song to the 4 year old was that I love my girls so much. A great part of being a single mom is that I can snuggle them, read to them, pray with them and then watch them drift off to sleep without any thing else to do for the evening. I've recognized this as such a blessing--I can just soak it all in and have nothing else on my list of things to do. The house is silent and there are no other duties and no one else that needs any attention. Bedtime is not a rush. Peter's song talked to the 4 year old about how quickly he will grow and leave the nest to fly. There will be great things to see and feelings to feel while soaring, but for now, the child is ours. My girls are safely in the nest for me to fall in love with over and over again. This was such a sweet experience for me tonight.

Contrast this to 35 minutes later as I'm driving toward home with my girls in the car, one of them screaming psychotically at the top of her lungs because she had fallen asleep at grandma's house and was disgusted that I dare take her back to our BORING house. Suddenly, I was ready to rush through bedtime and get as far away from this angry little bird as I could.

The Ups and Downs of being a single mom on a Wednesday night. Lovely.