Patching Holes in roofs and in people

This morning after our dentist appointments, (Layton Hills Dental is awesome!!--Aunt Jess works there and everyone took such great care of my kids while I was getting my teeth cleaned) we went to the Home Depot for some roof sealant/tar stuff. On the drive home I was feeling a little anxious about getting up on the roof to do the simple patch job. I guess I noticed the dark clouds rolling in and the trees swaying in the strengthening wind. I pictured myself falling off the roof and thought I probably should have another adult at the house before I climb the ladder. Usually, when a tiny bit of wisdom creeps in, I am able to replace it with a wacked out thought. I only had to get on the back part of the house where there is a deck, so if I fall, I won't fall far. This wacked out thinking came out in a car conversation with my daughters. "Girls, I have to climb the ladder and get on top of the house to fix the place that is broken. It is going to rain soon, so I need to get up there fast so the water won't drip into our house. I need your help." (What idiot asks for roofing help from little girls?)
"Okay Mommy!!" "Yeah, we can help!"
"Well, I will open the gates to the back yard and and the front door of the house. If I fall down off of the roof, then you need to run to Emily's house, Austin's house or Sabrina's house to get help, then the ambulance can come and fix me if I get hurt."
"Okay"
PROBLEM SOLVED. Ready to fix the roof.
And then, as we pulled in the garage, Kamryn said, "I can save you momma" and Emerson said, "Yes, mom, we know where the bandaids are, we don't need to run to anybody's house!"

Oh dear.

I did end up climbing to the top of the ladder and putting the tools up on the roof. As I was ready to place my first foot on the surface of the roof, I looked down into my little girls smiling faces, (those were my would be lifesavers) and finally convinced myself that they could not save me and I was an idiot to think that this was a situation wherein I was using any logic.

We have to patch holes with the proper Savior.

In building new relationships, we have to be certain that we are not looking for other people to patch any holes in our lives.

I've had some interesting experiences since I started dating a month ago. I've been out with a few men and I'm already ready for a long break from dating. I really felt like the men were trying to patch holes in their lives with a woman. I'll hold the ladder for you, but I will not patch your life. I may know where the bandaids are, but you need more help than I can provide.

I am really glad that I did go out--it was something I had to get over.
For a while I was seriously afraid of men. When a man asked for my phone number or for a date or a dance I saw him as a potential controller (or worse, an abuser or a rapist). I don't feel this way at all anymore. Even though I don't put my complete trust in individuals, I do not fear them. Further along in my healing, I recognized that there are good men out there who have honest intents.
However, because I am loving life as it is now, I don't want to "mess" with it by adding a relationship. When I meet a friend who is all patched up and has his house in order, then I may want to spend time with him.

I am pretty protective of my time anyway. I really felt like I wasted a bit of time with dates when I could have been enjoying tickle time and bedtime stories with my girls, exercising, or doing spiritual work (with scripture study, journaling, prayer and meditation). I crave all of those things. I do not yet crave companionship.
And besides, I'm kind of crushing on a couple of ancient prophets right now. I love Jacob and Moroni.

And who is my neighbor??

A certain woman was traveling from Ogden to Layton, but because of her disorganization was without a cell phone and had an empty gas tank on the freeway. Her mistakes left her half frustrated. And by chance there came carfuls of people just like her, coming from the same meeting she just left. Some of them didn't see her. Some slowed, looked at her and passed on their way speedily. Likewise, others, not of her faith, looked on her and passed by. She began running towards civilization to refuel, because walking would take hours. She did worry though about how long the return trip would take on foot because her dress boots were not like her expensive running shoes and after ten minutes of running, she was already getting blisters.
But a certain Samaritan (one not like her), as he journeyed, came where she was and when he saw her, he had compassion on her. He pulled over and offered her a ride in his own beast. When she responded with "I don't ride alone with men, but thank you so much for offering" His rough face was kind and he said, "I'll be back with another woman to ride with us" She didn't think he would return and she wondered if anyone else might save her from her mistakes. Ten minutes later he returned with a woman who appeared to have had as rough a life as he. They took her the rest of the way to the gas station, returned the grateful woman to her car to find that her car wouldn't start. With very dirty hands, this Samaritan opened the hood of her car, fiddled around while explaining the gas was too low and he had to help it inject itself, and got her car started. She handed him all the cash that she had (less than $20--she would have paid $40) for saving her in her own mistakes. He refused the money until she said, "I know that you didn't help me for money. I know that you don't want to accept it. Please take it though before I start crying. Do you want me to cry?" He smiled and took it. She drove away.

Which of these was neighbor unto she that fell frustrated with her disorganization?
He that shewed mercy (and patience with her driving with men rule). Go then and do likewise. I know I will try to be more observant and willing to go out of my way even if someone has brought misfortune upon themselves.

Trust

Happy President's Day!! I know it's a bit confusing to have this post titled "TRUST" and then start out with reference to American Presidents.

This afternoon I cuddled under my downy comforter in my super soft bed recovering from 90 minutes at the gym and a cold bike ride with my girls in our cul-de-sac. (I need some older biking partners--45 times around a cul-de-sac is not a scenic ride).

In my soft bed, I was studying in The Book of Mormon about TRUST. (My brother Sean and his wife Jess had delivered a beautiful pillowtop mattress to me on Saturday and I was truly enjoying this day off of work in heavenly comfort.) I was suddenly reminded of my duties as a mommy when Kamryn yells from the living room, "Mom, I need Chicken Nuggets please!!" Dang!! I remembered to put the longer version of Winnie the Pooh in the VCR and the girls had their water color paints and enough paper to leave me alone for at least an hour, but I guess you have to feed them every few hours. It had been at least 5 hours since they had last eaten, so my super soft scripture solitude officially ended or at least had to be interrupted.

As I was microwaving frozen chicken chunks like a professional chef, it occurred to me that she needed to learn how to do it herself. So I taught her. She is on a chicken nugget craze lately and eats them whenever I allow it. Her first phrases every morning are: "Good Morning Mommy" "I love you" "I want to hold you" "I need chicken nuggets".

So, there you have it. I'm a loving, hugging, chicken nugget warming robot.

So during my chicken nugget tutorial, I began to realize how much she has trusted me to provide her with this meat each day. I pop right up and meet her needs. I also realized that she is capable of doing this by herself and how exciting it will be for her (and for me) when she can do this on her own.

I compared this to how readily our Father is available to tutor us with the things that we need to learn so that we too can excitedly become more independent. Even though soon Kamryn will be making her own meals, I will always be nearby to lend a hand.

This past year Heavenly Father has been so good to me. Anytime that I called out, He attended to me. He succored me, He protected me, He lifted me. He didn't take away my trials, but He never left me alone. Most importantly, He taught me how to use His strength and gain my own. It is with deep gratitude that I address my Father in prayer throughout the day. I continue to be amazed at His work in my life. I'm also amazed at how He pushes me beyond what I believe that I am capable of.

Whoever puts his trust in God will be supported in their trials, and their troubles and their afflictions. Alma 36:3

"Trials are an evidence of a Father's love. They are given as blessings to His Children. They are given as opportunities for growth--Gain strength from Him" H. Burke Peterson

And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me. Alma 36:27

So, as I head back into my snuggly warm nest on my soft new mattress, I am thankful for President's Day that gives me extra time for study. I know that God hears our prayers and that He is mindful of us. He reaches for us, ready to offer assistance and support when we call to Him. I also know that it wounds His loving heart when He finds us not confident of His care or trust His commandments.

I want to continue to see adversity as a challenge of great interest. Opportunity lies in adversity as well as in prosperity.

I want to testify that it is through Christ that we find lasting happiness and permanently lose ourselves in order to find our true selves. One powerful way to draw nearer to Christ is through a sincere study of The Book of Mormon. On my mission in Brazil, I thought of this book as a great weedwhacker. It really does knock away the unimportant and brings us back to what really matters.