What's Scarier than Falling? Blending

I took an intermediate level painting class in college. I had recently earned a bunch of ART credits by taking a Portuguese written assessment and by resubmitting my AP Art History test score from high school. I just needed this painting class to meet the BA requirement and graduate. I should have been in Beginning Watercolor, but it wasn't offered my last semester. I had to get permission to be in the class with the real art students. Getting these last 2 ART credits was the easiest way to get a BA instead of going the BS route and would allow me to graduate ahead of schedule.

I liked painting, but I was no where near good enough to succeed at the "collegiate" level and I really didn't want this class to taint my GPA. After moving through some fairly easy assignments, the professor required us to paint something with difficult colors warning us that if we didn't paint properly, we would end up with a muddy mess. I painted with 2 of the difficult colors he allowed--red and green. Red and green together make muddy brown. I was so careful. There's only one tiny part of my painting that is muddy. I was pleased with my work, but it took a long long time. I still remember the pleasantly shocked look on his face when I presented my painting of a red apple on a green and yellow background. He told me, "Wow! I didn't know you had it in you! You took risks and it tuned out okay."

A while back, I poured my heart out about being scared to fall in love. He is an intelligent, hard working, kind, loving man. I had been afraid that I would love too much and get hurt in the end. It turns out that falling can be really fun if you have a partner that's falling in love right along with you.
Now, as we prepare to blend our lives together, the blending of our families is what scares me. I've heard of others' experiences with step children and step mothers and ex wives and realize that ours will be different. Different doesn't mean easy. Blending families can't be easy for anyone involved. I am so grateful to have a partner right along side of me as we begin the challenging process of blending.
This weekend my girls will get to have more time with him and Emerson, more than Kamryn, realizes that he and I may eventually marry. She sees him differently now than she did when she met him casually in September. She's texted him a few times and is pretty thrilled for his upcoming arrival.
His kids are excited to get to know me, my girls are excited to get to know him--but just like the "excitement" with new love--there will be many other feelings to experience. Here's to the hope, faith and charity we will need to blend these kids as carefully as possible. In the end, I hope to hear something similar to: "I knew you had it in you! You took risks and it tuned out beautifully."

Snow Saturday Slumber NO

We knew it would snow when we fell asleep. In my mind the first snow landing on a Saturday meant snuggling down deeper in my warm bed for at least 30 extra minutes.

To them, it meant SNOW PLAY!!

At 6:45 AM, I bundled them up in the snow pants and gloves (that I got for a bargain at the end of Spring last year). It was dark and I told them to stay in the yard while I started laundry and breakfast.

Only 5 minute later did I realize I needed to grab something from the garden shed and drop it off at the Coombs' house around the corner.

I bundled myself up and headed outside. No girls in the front yard. I had just been in the garden shed and didn't see them in the back yard either. My heart raced. They had run off on Halloween night and were awarded tough consequences--How could they do this again?!?!?

The only place I thought that they would go would be to the Coombs' house where I needed to go, so I calmed down. I was hoping that my girls weren't ringing the doorbell at 7 in the morning on a snowy Saturday, but I could picture it.

Arriving at Coombs, my heart sank when my girls weren't visible. It was still really dark and everything was quiet. Back to my yard, I investigated the footprint in the snow. The markings proved that they had, in fact, walked out of the yard down to the corner and then the prints stopped. Did they cross the street to walk three blocks to visit the horse pasture and check on the horses in the snow? Did a StRaNgEr take them?!?! It was at this moment that my "freak out" turned on. At the corner, I pulled out my phone and looked up the number for the police department--I knew not to use 911, even though this was, in fact, an emergency. I prayed a quick prayer to calm down and guide my actions. As I began dialing, I heard their voices. I ran to the driveway to my laughing daughters. I pulled them close and and asked them why they disobeyed and left the yard. Emerson said, "We walked to the corner, but remembered the rule, so we've been playing in the backyard the whole time."

I'm so thankful for these girls. I can't imagine life without them. I know life without them would include snowy Saturday sleeping in, but I don't like to sleep in anyway.

Falling is sometimes scary

The only ride that I hate at our local amusement park is the Rocket Re-Entry. There are 2 Rocket rides. One blasts you off 200 feet into the air quickly (within 3 seconds) and then you are let down at a slower speed.

The other Rocket Ride is horrible and works in the opposite direction.

Here is the description from Lagoon's website: "Guests are slowly raised to the top of the 200 foot tower in approximately 20 -25 seconds and then blasted downward."

Blasted is correct.

"As they near the bottom of the tower, they enjoy several cushioned bounces."

Enjoy is not correct. (For me at least)

I went on this ride only once and I cried like a baby for several minutes afterwards. I was 24 at the time and terrified, but in a social setting with single guys and I really tried to pull myself together. I was a mess. I vowed never to do it again.

Falling is scary.

Falling in love is terrifying.

I have been happy to meet new guy friends and had fun dating for the past 6 months. I made a few really good friends and learned a lot from quality individuals.

There were many many nights as I journaled, studied and prayed at the end of the day that I tried to plan and negotiate ways to stay single forever. To date and have friends, but to not get too attached to anyone.

I was afraid of falling in love.

We have had season passes to Lagoon this year. My girls have a few favorite rides. One of their favorites is called the Dinosaur Drop. It is a vertical drop tower ride, but on a smaller scale. The rider only gets to "enjoy" the feeling of dropping to her death from 40 feet, not 200 feet.

I went on this Dinosaur Drop at the beginning of the summer ONLY because I thought that I was required to accompany the little girls. Tears came to my eyes and I hated it, but I didn't completely lose it and I was not an official mess.

For the past couple of months the girls have ridden the Dinosaur Drop without me, but this last weekend, they really wanted me to join them. You know what, I didn't HATE it this time. I didn't exactly LOVE it, but I almost thought it was fun.

A couple of months ago, a certain man really stood out. Not only is he super handsome, but he's an incredible father to his 5 kids. I tried not to get too impressed, but he is pretty amazing. I tried to convince myself that I could prevent myself from falling in love with him. Looking back I can see why I did this. I didn't want to be vulnerable. I didn't want to fall, get hurt and then become a mess.

I was happy being single and I felt very safe physically and emotionally.

I knew from the start that this man would keep me safe physically, but I thought that I wasn't yet willing to allow myself emotional hurt. I still feel like he is out of my league in many areas. However, I am willing to risk the potential hurt because he makes me a better, happier person.

If I can handle the risk of the Dinosaur Drop, I can do almost anything. Yeah, right!!?!!

Someday I may even get married again, but that's as scary as the Rocket Re-entry ride don't you think?

The Doctor Visit

Today we welcomed a doctor to our 3rd grade as a launch to the health unit on the Skeletal system. He brought a huge skeleton and pointed out joints and named about 30 bones then he asked a few questions, but realized he just needed to let them ask the questions.

The questions and answers made me laugh, so I started taking notes during the discussion.

Doctor: What are your bones made of?

Student A: Wood

Doctor: No actually it's in something we drink?

Student B: Milk--Bones are made of milk.

STUDENT QUESTIONS

What's your butt made of?

How do you get disease?

Can you pop your knuckles?

Is it bad to twist your arm really weird?

How do your eyeballs stay in?

Does your tongue have bones?

Later in the day one girl told me that it was really weird that the doctor thought that the "finger" was the biggest bone in the body. I explained to the class that the thigh bone is the largest bone and is called the "femur"-- more than half of them though he said "finger".

I like being the observer occasionally. Funny kids. Patient doctor.

A Memory from Budapest

During the Summer of 2001, I spent some time in Budapest, Hungary. On the 2nd morning, I woke before my hosts (my friend John and his parents) and headed out walking around the neighborhood on the Buda side. I loved it. The houses were brightly painted and beautiful flowers filled the window boxes. There were quite a few older men out in their yards or cleaning their driveways. As I walked passed I wanted to be friendly in their language so I used a term that had been said to me several times the day before. "Csókolom!" The first man looked at me strangely, but smiled. But, by the 4th time I said this word to one of my temporary neighbors, I knew I was saying it wrong. But I remember how it sounded and I really thought I was pronouncing it correctly--it sounds like "Chocolom".

Later in the day while I was out shopping with John's mom, I asked her about the word. She laughed right out loud and told me that word is only said to women and it means "I kiss your hand".

Got it!

Train Ride to the Salt Lake Temple Square

The train ride was a reward for doing chores for many days in a row.
Our favorite place was in the Children's Book of Mormon exhibit. We danced Latina Dances with big screen demos and mirrors.
The agricultural play was a favorite spot too. The girls went through all the motions of getting the vegetables and eggs to the play kitchen and then to the dining table for me to sample--delicious!!

Fishing from Nephi's ship was exciting to watch too because the girls know the story so well that they took turns being Nephi when his brothers tied him up.

We loved the temple grounds too. They kept reminding me to be reverent because a temple is more special and important than even a church.

Adults can pretend too

This morning I played make believe that I'm a runner for my long run (jog) and then drove up to the hills above my parents' house to do some incline and decline sprints. It's my 3rd day of hills in this training for the Halloween Half and my calves were so sore that going down the stairs was painful, but I was stoked!

When I parked the van on the hill and started putting up the girls' tent, I noticed steam coming from the hood and tons of leaking fluid underneath. Last night, I had some overheating trouble and a friend helped me out by adding some water but couldn't see the problem at that time. I had scheduled an appointment at the car shop for this afternoon to find the problem. I shouldn't have been driving it until after the mechanic found the problem, but luckily I did drive it and I found the problem myself. There was a tiny hole in the return hose causing a steady fast stream of a leak.

Mr. Haddad, my parents' Lebonese neighbor, pulled over to assist me. He told me how easy it will be for my father to fix it. Well, dad wasn't home and isn't much of a mechanic, so I asked him to tell me what to do. Remove the clamps, take the hose to the auto supply store, buy a replacement and clamp the new hose into place. Easy!! So I broke into my parents house, borrowed some tools and the keys to my little brother's car and began removing the hose. My dad pulled up with my brother and I told them my plan. As my little brother was driving me to the auto parts store he asked who was going to tow my car. I re-explained that I could fix it. Mr. Haddad told me how to do it. Obviously, my brother has no faith in my pretending to be a mechanic.

I replaced the hose with a total cost of $3.99 and total labor time 15 minutes (because the car was still hot).

Finding the problem.
Removing the old hose by simply squeezing the clamps with pliers to loosen.

Buying the new hose.

Clamping it in place (and feeling pretty tricky for saving money) It looks great doesn't it?





Then I ran my hills and pretended to be a runner! I love make believe.

The girls get to play house in the tent while I play like I can run hills really fast (but in real life I am so slow).

The view from the bottom of hill one.

Saying goodbye to my tent dwellers at the bottom of the hill.

View from the top of hill one.

This last photo is my favorite--getting greeted by my tent dwellers at the bottom of hill #1. They do this outstretched arm run toward me at every lap at the park too--it totally keeps me going!! Love them!!