Falling is sometimes scary

The only ride that I hate at our local amusement park is the Rocket Re-Entry. There are 2 Rocket rides. One blasts you off 200 feet into the air quickly (within 3 seconds) and then you are let down at a slower speed.

The other Rocket Ride is horrible and works in the opposite direction.

Here is the description from Lagoon's website: "Guests are slowly raised to the top of the 200 foot tower in approximately 20 -25 seconds and then blasted downward."

Blasted is correct.

"As they near the bottom of the tower, they enjoy several cushioned bounces."

Enjoy is not correct. (For me at least)

I went on this ride only once and I cried like a baby for several minutes afterwards. I was 24 at the time and terrified, but in a social setting with single guys and I really tried to pull myself together. I was a mess. I vowed never to do it again.

Falling is scary.

Falling in love is terrifying.

I have been happy to meet new guy friends and had fun dating for the past 6 months. I made a few really good friends and learned a lot from quality individuals.

There were many many nights as I journaled, studied and prayed at the end of the day that I tried to plan and negotiate ways to stay single forever. To date and have friends, but to not get too attached to anyone.

I was afraid of falling in love.

We have had season passes to Lagoon this year. My girls have a few favorite rides. One of their favorites is called the Dinosaur Drop. It is a vertical drop tower ride, but on a smaller scale. The rider only gets to "enjoy" the feeling of dropping to her death from 40 feet, not 200 feet.

I went on this Dinosaur Drop at the beginning of the summer ONLY because I thought that I was required to accompany the little girls. Tears came to my eyes and I hated it, but I didn't completely lose it and I was not an official mess.

For the past couple of months the girls have ridden the Dinosaur Drop without me, but this last weekend, they really wanted me to join them. You know what, I didn't HATE it this time. I didn't exactly LOVE it, but I almost thought it was fun.

A couple of months ago, a certain man really stood out. Not only is he super handsome, but he's an incredible father to his 5 kids. I tried not to get too impressed, but he is pretty amazing. I tried to convince myself that I could prevent myself from falling in love with him. Looking back I can see why I did this. I didn't want to be vulnerable. I didn't want to fall, get hurt and then become a mess.

I was happy being single and I felt very safe physically and emotionally.

I knew from the start that this man would keep me safe physically, but I thought that I wasn't yet willing to allow myself emotional hurt. I still feel like he is out of my league in many areas. However, I am willing to risk the potential hurt because he makes me a better, happier person.

If I can handle the risk of the Dinosaur Drop, I can do almost anything. Yeah, right!!?!!

Someday I may even get married again, but that's as scary as the Rocket Re-entry ride don't you think?

The Doctor Visit

Today we welcomed a doctor to our 3rd grade as a launch to the health unit on the Skeletal system. He brought a huge skeleton and pointed out joints and named about 30 bones then he asked a few questions, but realized he just needed to let them ask the questions.

The questions and answers made me laugh, so I started taking notes during the discussion.

Doctor: What are your bones made of?

Student A: Wood

Doctor: No actually it's in something we drink?

Student B: Milk--Bones are made of milk.

STUDENT QUESTIONS

What's your butt made of?

How do you get disease?

Can you pop your knuckles?

Is it bad to twist your arm really weird?

How do your eyeballs stay in?

Does your tongue have bones?

Later in the day one girl told me that it was really weird that the doctor thought that the "finger" was the biggest bone in the body. I explained to the class that the thigh bone is the largest bone and is called the "femur"-- more than half of them though he said "finger".

I like being the observer occasionally. Funny kids. Patient doctor.

A Memory from Budapest

During the Summer of 2001, I spent some time in Budapest, Hungary. On the 2nd morning, I woke before my hosts (my friend John and his parents) and headed out walking around the neighborhood on the Buda side. I loved it. The houses were brightly painted and beautiful flowers filled the window boxes. There were quite a few older men out in their yards or cleaning their driveways. As I walked passed I wanted to be friendly in their language so I used a term that had been said to me several times the day before. "Csókolom!" The first man looked at me strangely, but smiled. But, by the 4th time I said this word to one of my temporary neighbors, I knew I was saying it wrong. But I remember how it sounded and I really thought I was pronouncing it correctly--it sounds like "Chocolom".

Later in the day while I was out shopping with John's mom, I asked her about the word. She laughed right out loud and told me that word is only said to women and it means "I kiss your hand".

Got it!

Train Ride to the Salt Lake Temple Square

The train ride was a reward for doing chores for many days in a row.
Our favorite place was in the Children's Book of Mormon exhibit. We danced Latina Dances with big screen demos and mirrors.
The agricultural play was a favorite spot too. The girls went through all the motions of getting the vegetables and eggs to the play kitchen and then to the dining table for me to sample--delicious!!

Fishing from Nephi's ship was exciting to watch too because the girls know the story so well that they took turns being Nephi when his brothers tied him up.

We loved the temple grounds too. They kept reminding me to be reverent because a temple is more special and important than even a church.

Adults can pretend too

This morning I played make believe that I'm a runner for my long run (jog) and then drove up to the hills above my parents' house to do some incline and decline sprints. It's my 3rd day of hills in this training for the Halloween Half and my calves were so sore that going down the stairs was painful, but I was stoked!

When I parked the van on the hill and started putting up the girls' tent, I noticed steam coming from the hood and tons of leaking fluid underneath. Last night, I had some overheating trouble and a friend helped me out by adding some water but couldn't see the problem at that time. I had scheduled an appointment at the car shop for this afternoon to find the problem. I shouldn't have been driving it until after the mechanic found the problem, but luckily I did drive it and I found the problem myself. There was a tiny hole in the return hose causing a steady fast stream of a leak.

Mr. Haddad, my parents' Lebonese neighbor, pulled over to assist me. He told me how easy it will be for my father to fix it. Well, dad wasn't home and isn't much of a mechanic, so I asked him to tell me what to do. Remove the clamps, take the hose to the auto supply store, buy a replacement and clamp the new hose into place. Easy!! So I broke into my parents house, borrowed some tools and the keys to my little brother's car and began removing the hose. My dad pulled up with my brother and I told them my plan. As my little brother was driving me to the auto parts store he asked who was going to tow my car. I re-explained that I could fix it. Mr. Haddad told me how to do it. Obviously, my brother has no faith in my pretending to be a mechanic.

I replaced the hose with a total cost of $3.99 and total labor time 15 minutes (because the car was still hot).

Finding the problem.
Removing the old hose by simply squeezing the clamps with pliers to loosen.

Buying the new hose.

Clamping it in place (and feeling pretty tricky for saving money) It looks great doesn't it?





Then I ran my hills and pretended to be a runner! I love make believe.

The girls get to play house in the tent while I play like I can run hills really fast (but in real life I am so slow).

The view from the bottom of hill one.

Saying goodbye to my tent dwellers at the bottom of the hill.

View from the top of hill one.

This last photo is my favorite--getting greeted by my tent dwellers at the bottom of hill #1. They do this outstretched arm run toward me at every lap at the park too--it totally keeps me going!! Love them!!

Antelope Island

My first post on this Back from Malaysia blog began with a visit to Antelope Island. We have returned 10 times since then and last week's camping trip there might be the last of 2011. It's starting to get cold here in Utah.

Preparing him for someone else

I was given excellent advice from Brother VanShaar as I was ending my mission and heading home. He said, "Sister Dunroe as you date and seek out a marriage partner, please choose a priesthood leader not a project." I hurts me that I remember so well the best advice that I didn't take.

I began dating 30 months after my marriage ended, 8 months after the divorce was final. I was an emotional mess and put off dating. Finally, after lots of healing had taken place, I took the plunge. I didn't feel ready or have a huge desire to date, but I had a nagging feeling that it was time to go for it.

In that time, I have been out with 15 guys and dated 6 for an extended period. It seemed like 5 of those were priesthood leaders, but all were ALSO projects. They had really been broken by the previous women in their lives. 5 of them have thanked me repeatedly for boosting their confidence, making them feel attractive and worthy of a fantastic partner. One even called me his hero when I said that I no longer wanted to develop our relationship. It was a little weird, but it has gotten me thinking. At first I was resentful that I had used my precious time to provide free emotional therapy to these men that I would no longer date. I WAS COACHING THEM FOR THEIR FUTURE WIVES ;-)

My attitude and perspective have been changing (thankfully). The last couple of days have been really enlightening.

I started to open my heart to the women who may be investing time in the man I will marry and

I scratched out this letter to those ladies as I sat in the parking lot after a temple session today:

Dear Dating Ladies,

Thank you my sisters for not playing games with him. Thank you for building him up and making him feel proud to be with you. Thank you for being direct with him if he hurts your feelings or lets you down. Pouting is pointless and tantrums are ridiculous. Thank you for making him feel attractive, but not tossing meaningless affection his way. Thank you for listening to him and the details about his family and life. I really appreciate that you do not add stress and drama or prattle on and on about problems in your own life. Mostly, I appreciate that you encourage him to attend the temple often and hold significant family home evenings with his kids. If you are currently studying the scriptures with him--I will love you forever! And have fun!! Laugh lots, but recognize, please, that he won't be yours forever. It's okay to let him go when he meets me.

love,

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