Sunday, August 14, 2011

She's helping me become what I can become

Two months ago I was being challenged repeatedly by my eldest. She was driving me to exhaustion in parenting. She was generally well-behaved but occasionally turned defiant and extremely irritating to her little sister and to me. One Sunday in church she was so naughty during the sacrament that I started to cry. She stared at me and then, get this, laughed at me. That afternoon, the girls took a nap and I turned to read the ancient account of the ressurrected Savior visiting the inhabitants of Ancient America. At this particular part that I felt I needed to re-read, He called the little children to Him. He ministered to them and blessed them one by one. I felt that I needed to read that part to remember how much He loves them and how much I should feel honored to take care of His little ones. (Even when a particular little one nearly drives me crazy once a week)

That night I dreamed that I was in Ancient America, I was dressed like a Nephite Woman

and I was surrounded by a multitude of others excited by Christ’s appearance. He was calling the little ones to Him. I was thrilled. I don’t know where Kamryn was, but I know Emerson was with me, hand in hand, I would not let her go until she was blessed and healed. For some reason at the beginning of this dream I saw Emerson as being broken and needing to be “fixed”. I felt such an urgency to get her to the front of the line, but I was also trying to be patient with all the other good people around me. When it was finally her turn, He smiled at her and helped her sit on a big boulder for her blessing. As soon as she was settled, His eyes locked with mine and He didn’t release His smiling stare until the blessing was over. He blessed Emerson that she would learn how to love others by watching her mother. He blessed her that she would become obedient by watching her mother and that she would learn how to repent and to become what He knew she could become by watching her mother. I choked up and my heart jumped into my throat. I was shocked to realize how much I needed Emerson. I need her not to be fixed, but to help fix me. He knew I could do it. He knows I can love more, obey more and change more. He locked His eyes with mine to give me the hope and love that I need to move forward and parent with courage.

He was calling the Little Ones to Him. He calls us all to Him. We’re still Children.

He knows us. He loves us. We are His Children. He gives us what we need. Often we need our children much more than they need us. Emerson has been continuing to "fix" me and shape me into what I know, and He knows I can become.


  1. wow, shantelle that was pretty powerful stuff and i feel blessed that you shared it with people! thank you for your example.